Wednesday, June 4, 2008

A Love Letter

My Dearest One Way Sign

Well, the verdict is in.  Just as we suspected.  I overheard the P-Units talking last night and we are in fact moving.  They've been saving all my diaper boxes; the Portable On Demand Storage unit sits coldly in the driveway; I've overheard the many phone calls with the realtor. But I've been in denial.  Until last night when it became plain and clear.  I can't ignore the signs (excuse the pun) anymore.  They are rushing around, actually putting stuff  in the diaper boxes, sorting through things for a garage sale, and generally running around like parents who have to move their entire house the week after they return from vacation.  Good times.  Good times.  

Anyway, get this.  We're moving to a subdivision.  Seriously.  A subdivision.  I don't understand them and they're American consumption mindset.  Especially during a recession.  They say they want more space, more closets, more this, more that.  What they don't seem to be considering here is what this is going to do to you and me.  I simply can't bear the thought of leaving you.  Alone at the end of the street with only strangers nearby.  

I know, I know.  I understand that you can't leave Battle Avenue.  And that you are needed to direct drivers to not drive in both directions on your street.  Your job is important.  You save lives.  I get it.  Let's try looking on the bright side - my parents have friends who live in the neighborhood so I'm thinking that I will at least get to visit on occasion.  It's not like I get to see you all that much as it is.  Just so you know, I give them the picture of you all the time.  That's how I "ask" to go see you.  Many times they dismiss me and say "Not right now."  "Well, then when?" I ask.  "When?"  

My parents think they're doing me a favor by allowing me to see you once, maybe twice, a day.  And when they finally do take me to see you, then they set that stupid timer for 3 minutes and then make me leave when it goes off.  You know what I'm talking about...you've seen it firsthand.  Do they really think 3 minutes is long enough for us to be together?  Don't they see my agony when they rip me away from you?  Don't they see the pain they cause?  They simply don't understand me or our relationship.  

I have to admit, I was wooed by a handicapped sign the other day.  But quite honestly, it did nothing for me in the end.  It was too small and I don't care for the blue color with white lettering.  It's nothing compared to your bold black block letters set strikingly against the chalky bone white.  Your steely strong body.  The way you say the same thing on both sides. You amaze me.  Your beauty is undeniable.  You always make me smile.  In fact, I smile the minute I set foot on the sidewalk and I can see you standing strong in the distance.  When I finally get my hands on you, I find it so very hard to let go.  I just simply want to hold you and look up at your beautifully delightful black and white face.  

Please know, it's not my choice to move.   I don't want to.   I will think of you often.  You are my one true love.  And you always will be. 

S.W.A.K.  

Yours Truly and Forever, 
Louie

Louie
-n-
One Way
4-Ever

13 comments:

camille said...

OH MY WORD, you totally crack me up. I love the letter. You are seriously creative! So where are you moving to? A week after vacation, huh? Wow, that's impressive. When does this big move happen? I hope it goes as smoothly as possible.

Anonymous said...

Dear Louie,

Say it ain't so. I have been waiting on a perfect person like you to come along and stand at my base and worship me the way you do. Now after all these years after bonding and having special 3 minute sessions you tell me that you are leaving? Well I'm not having it... In fact I am going to find some way jump in your car before you go so we can spend the rest of our lives together!

I understand how the "P-Units" can be. My p-units, perhaps you have seen them while out "Stop Sign" and "Both Way Sign" just up and left me here all alone one day. So lets look at the positives, your parents are at least taking you.

I only ask if you do have to leave that we could have at least 6 minutes together to say our good byes!

I do love you and I insure you that there will be other signs in your life. I hear the subdivsion you are moving into has a very nice speed limit sign. Perhaps your mom will give you 4 minutes with it.

Love,

One Way

PS Drive Carefully!

Nicole said...

You are too funny! That really made me laugh out loud.

Good luck with the move. We just did it and it was exhausting, but so worth it.

Julie said...

You are hilarious. Moving is totally stressful. My husband is a pack rat and I took it as a golden opportunity to throw away some, okay, alot of his crap. I then played the, "it must have gotten lost in the move card" for about a year.

Patti S. said...

Dear Louie,
Audrey has promised to take very good care of your beloved one way sign. Please believe that we will hold a special place in our hearts for it because it will remind us of you. You can come and visit your friends on Battle Ave anytime you like, and that includes us:)

Signed,
The new care takers of the one way sign.

Noel said...

That was very creative and totally funny!! Thank you for the laugh!
Good luck with the move. The thought of packing up everythign and moving makes me tired!

Noel

Tara said...

I love this!! I always look forward to your posts. Good luck with the move - especially after a vacation. Too bad you can't change your vacation to after the move! You will need some much needed rest after that :)

Ava's Grandma Kim said...

HA! Thanks for the laugh!

Poor Louie and One-way...it just wasn't meant to be.

Tes said...

totally hilarious! our poor louie i hope you know what you are doing!
Tes

Katie said...

ROFL!! Oh you crack me up!!
Congrats on the impending move ;)

Amy said...

Very sweet. I think all of us can imagine a letter like this from our children to their preferred obsessions (vacuum, lawn mower, digital clock, etc.) Tell Louie a subdivision won't be so bad, but they don't often have many traffic signs. It will be interesting to see what becomes of that. For Avery she likes landscaping rocks, pooped in bird baths, and the mailbox.
Good luck moving and glad you survived you first IEP!
Amy

Katie said...

Oh i just have to add this - i was watching Boston Legal last night and they had a women who was in love with a utility box, she carried a photo of it around with her LOL

Guanogirl said...

LOL Sooo funny. Well written. You could always paint a stop sign mural in his new room !
Robin